i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
