I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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