Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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