At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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