He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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