doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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