my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
