we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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