My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
