careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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