I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
