Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
