So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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