Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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