it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
