So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
