bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
