Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
