HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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