went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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