a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
