I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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