I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I need to stop coming to work sober
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
