Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
