I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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