Even the bartender felt bad for me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
