bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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