he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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