If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
