I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
