yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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