if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
