I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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