You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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