So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
