Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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