Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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