so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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