to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
