wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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