I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
