I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
