Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
