His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
