Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
