Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
