I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
