You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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