Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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