you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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