Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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