i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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