but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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