I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
