Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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