"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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