so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
