She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
