its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
