so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
