I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
