We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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