Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
