I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
