Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
