It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
