We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
