I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
