is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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