Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
