I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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