We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
