I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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