I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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