also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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