just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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