Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did I show you my penis last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
