i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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