I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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