Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
