well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize