You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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