He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
