Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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