So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
