I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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