new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
