ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize