My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
