My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
