Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
