I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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