connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
