So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
