hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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