May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So apparently I’m into choking now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
