you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
