New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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