the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
